Photo by Kelli Durham
General Advice
The Dos & Don'ts of Including Your Mom in the Wedding Planning Process
01 May 2025 •6 min read
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Your wedding day is one of the most special milestones of your life—and if there's one person who's been dreaming of it almost as long as you have, it's your mom. From hearing about your engagement to helping you pick “the dress,” she’s probably bursting with excitement. But as you dive into planning your dream day, finding the right way to involve your mom can feel like a delicate balancing act.
Whether you’re a bride looking to keep the peace or a groom trying to make your mom feel valued, this guide is packed with modern dos and don’ts to help you include your mom in the planning process while still keeping things stress-free and fun.
Do: Communicate Your Expectations Early On
Before the Pinterest boards and planner notebooks take over, start with an honest conversation. Share your overall vision and let her know which areas you'd love her help with—like planning the bridal shower or researching florists—and which decisions you want to make solo. Clear communication early prevents misunderstandings later.
Don't: Assume She Can Read Your Mind
Even if your mom knows you better than anyone else, that doesn’t mean she’ll automatically know what kind of wedding you want. Be upfront about your style, priorities, and what traditions (if any) you want to honor. Share a vision board or schedule a coffee date to go over your ideas—she’ll appreciate being brought into your thought process.
Do: Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are key in any relationship, especially during wedding planning. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or your mom is offering a bit too much input, gently remind her of the areas where you’d like to take the lead. Reassure her that her support is valued, but this is your day.
Don't: Let Her Take Over the Show
It’s easy for enthusiastic moms to shift into planner-in-chief mode—but your wedding should reflect you and your partner’s relationship, not her personal style. If she starts steamrolling the decisions (hello, 1980s centerpiece ideas!), redirect the focus and kindly let her know which decisions are non-negotiable for you.
Do: Assign Her a Role She’ll Enjoy
Whether it’s managing RSVPs, helping with fittings, or taste-testing cakes (yes, please!), assigning your mom a meaningful role can make her feel included without overwhelming her—or you. Choose something she’ll enjoy and that aligns with her strengths.
Don't: Micromanage Her Help
Once she has a task, trust her to handle it. If you check in on every little detail, you’ll both end up frustrated. Let go of perfectionism where you can—it’s the shared memories that matter most.
Do: Plan Special Bonding Moments Together
Planning a wedding can feel like a marathon, so carve out moments to just enjoy being together. Book a spa day, attend a bridal market, or go dress shopping for her mother-of-the-bride outfit. These experiences create memories that will last long after the big day is over.
Don't: Leave Out Your Partner’s Mom
It’s easy to focus on your own mom, especially if you’re super close—but don’t forget your future mother-in-law. Include her in pre-wedding events, ask for her input on things like the rehearsal dinner or guest list, and make sure she feels seen and celebrated too.
Do: Consider Her Budget if She’s Contributing
If your mom is helping financially, it’s only fair to keep her in the loop on how the money is being spent. Transparency can help avoid tension and show her that her contribution is genuinely appreciated.
Don't: Shut Down Her Opinions Entirely
Even if her ideas seem outdated or off-theme, give her a moment to share her thoughts. You might be surprised by a creative idea or emotional tradition she brings to the table. Listening doesn’t mean you have to say yes, but it builds mutual respect.
Do: Involve Her in a Tradition or Two
Whether it's adding a family recipe to the menu or wearing her veil down the aisle, incorporating one of your mom’s traditions can make her feel truly honored. It's a meaningful way to celebrate family history while still keeping the wedding authentic to you.
Don't: Try to Do It All Together
You and your mom don’t have to be attached at the hip throughout the planning process. Divide and conquer when it makes sense. Maybe she handles the hotel room block or manages your bridal shower guest list while you focus on your vendors. A little space goes a long way in keeping the peace.
Do: Acknowledge Her Support in a Public Way
From your rehearsal dinner toast to a handwritten note on the morning of your wedding, take the time to publicly (or privately) thank her for everything. That recognition will mean the world to her.
Don't: Forget That She's Probably Emotional Too
While you’re dealing with logistics and guest lists, your mom might be processing the big emotional shift of watching her child get married. Be patient and offer her some grace—even if her feelings show up in quirky or unexpected ways.
Do: Let Her Shine on the Big Day
When the day finally arrives, make sure she feels just as special. Help her choose a dress that makes her feel confident and beautiful, invite her to share a moment while you’re getting ready, and maybe even surprise her with a first look of your own. The little touches matter more than you know.
Your wedding day is about love, unity, and celebrating the people who’ve supported you along the way—and your mom is often right at the center of that. By setting clear expectations, communicating openly, and showing appreciation, you can make her feel included, respected, and loved without sacrificing your own vision.
Involving your mom in wedding planning doesn’t have to be stressful—it can actually be one of the most rewarding parts of the journey. So grab that latte, open up your wedding spreadsheet, and let the bonding (and planning) begin!
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