If you're in your twenties or early thirties, it's likely that someone in your life is standing up as a bridesmaid. But if you're chatting with a bridesmaid-to-be in the coming weeks, there are a few conversations we think you should avoid. Read on for our top taboo topics.
If you're the bridesmaid's buddy...
1. "How bad is the dress?"
Even if the dress is bad, it's not your place to ask about it. If the bridesmaid wants to vent to you about it, she will.
2. "She's a total bridezilla, isn't she?"
This one's just totally inappropriate. Weddings can make people crazy, and sometimes the planning stress can cause friction between a bride and her friends. But ultimately a bride and her 'maids are pals -- it's not OK to try and get a bridesmaid to talk smack about her friend.
3. "Don't you think the bride could do better?"
Um, awkward. Unless you're the bride's very concerned mother, these words should never leave your lips.
4. "How much is their wedding costing you?"
This is often a sneaky way of asking how much the marrying couple is spending on their wedding. The bridesmaid has enough on her plate with all the pre-wedding events and projects -- she doesn't want to answer your inappropriate questions.
5. "The bride told me you were a backup bridesmaid."
This is hurtful and unnecessary. Even if the bridesmaid was selected because someone else couldn't be in the wedding, she was chosen for a reason and her place at the altar is special. Don't sour her on the experience just because you feel like gossiping.
6. "Don't you think it will draw attention away from the bride if you're pregnant at her wedding?"
Excuse me?! We're pretty sure the bride is aware of her friend's pregnancy (or plan to get pregnant) -- and is totally fine with it. Asking a bridesmaid this question will only make her feel judged and uncomfortable, which is exactly the opposite of how she should be feeling on her friend's big day.
If you're the bride...
7. "I want a huge blowout bash for my bachelorette!"
Dear brides: Being a bridesmaid is already going to cost your friends a small fortune, so do us a favor and don't put pressure on them to throw you a pricey bachelorette bash. Instead, talk to them about what you have in mind then let them plan a party that's within their budget.
8. "Are you planning to lose weight for the wedding?"
"The camera adds 10 pounds, you know!" Don't ask anyone this question. Ever.
9. "I really want you to be my bridesmaid, but I don't have room for your spouse/significant other."
Here's a little etiquette 101: If your bridesmaid is in a serious relationship, her partner should be invited to the wedding. Even if she's not in a serious relationship, it's a nice gesture to offer her a plus-one.
10. "I need you to get a [spray tan/specific hair cut/eyebrow wax etc.] before my wedding."
Asking your girls to wear certain accessories or shoes is fine (as long as you're footing the bill), but expecting your 'maids to alter their appearances is where we draw the line. It's fine to have a conversation about wedding-day grooming, but don't expect your bridesmaids to acquiesce to every demand -- and plan to pick up the tab if they agree to your requests.